“Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.” - Colossians 3:19
Short. Direct. No loopholes.
This is not a verse men get to wiggle around. It is a command, and the weight of it becomes even heavier when you pair it with 1 Peter 3 verse 7, where God essentially says, “If you do not treat your wife with honor, I am not listening to your prayers.”
Let that sink in.
Heaven goes silent.
God literally hits “Do Not Disturb” because you have been harsh with your wife.
That is not small. That is not optional. That is not something you will work on later when life slows down.
This is God saying, “Your relationship with Me is directly connected to how you treat her.”
If that does not wake you up, nothing will.
WHY GOD CARES SO MUCH ABOUT THIS
Your wife is not just your wife.
She is God’s daughter.
If a man raised his voice at your daughter, talked down to her, dismissed her feelings, or handled her with impatience, you would show up immediately.
God feels the same.
Except His presence does not simply show up.
It backs away.
Your spiritual life weakens, your prayers hit the ceiling, your joy dries up, and you cannot figure out why.
Often, it is because the way you treat your wife is out of alignment with the heart of Christ.
WHAT HARSH LOOKS LIKE
Harsh is not only yelling.
Harsh can be:
• Eye rolling
• Interrupting
• Being dismissive
• Speaking with a sharp tone
• Lack of empathy
• Sarcasm that wounds
• Making her feel small
• Constant irritation
• Coldness
• Withholding affection
• Shutting down emotionally
Most men do not think they are harsh, but if your wife looks smaller, quieter, less confident, or more cautious around you, something in you is off.
Paul uses the word agapaō, the same word used for the love Christ shows us, which is deep, sacrificial, consistent, and intentional.
This is not “good intentions.”
This is not “I am tired.”
This is not “She already knows I love her.”
Agape is action, not assumption.
WHAT GODLY LOVE LOOKS LIKE
1. Love Her Like Christ Loves You
Sacrificially, consistently, and gently.
Christ never speaks to you with contempt, so you cannot speak to her that way.
2. Study Her, Not Control Her
Understand her fears, needs, desires, and rhythms.
You cannot love what you refuse to learn.
3. Slow Your Reactions and Guard Your Tone
Strength under control is masculinity.
Strength out of control becomes harm.
4. Confess and Repair Quickly
Your pride is the enemy of intimacy.
God resists the proud. Do not become someone He needs to resist.
5. Speak Life Over Her
Your words shape the atmosphere of your home.
Build her. Bless her. Encourage her.
6. Pray For Her, Not Against Her
You cannot stay bitter toward the woman you pray for daily.
7. Treat Her Like a Treasure, Not an Obligation
Marriage is holy ground.
Handle it with honor.
THE WAKE UP CALL: YOUR MARRIAGE IS A MIRROR
If you want to know the health of a man’s soul, do not look at his job, his bank account, or his muscles.
Look at his wife’s face.
Does she look loved?
Does she look safe?
Does she look cherished?
Does she look free?
If not, something in you needs to change immediately.
God does not measure men the way the world does.
He measures men by how well they love.